The Silly Trilogy
by Amicitia1
Summary: I wrote a few things that don't deserve to be separate entries, but I wanted to post them anyway. Includes Language Barriers, two lists, and Murder in Bayville.
1. Language Barriers

A/N: I wrote this story in Italian because...I can. :P It was proofread by a guy who knew what he was doing, but I don't guarantee it's mistake-free. English translation included for your convenience.  
  
*****  
  
Pietro: (entre) Non posso imparare italiano! ([enters] I can't learn Italian!)  
Todd: Perche? (Why?)  
Pietro: E troppo difficile. (It's too hard.)  
Todd: Troppo difficile per te? Non puoi studiare rapidamente? (Too hard for you? Can't you study fast?)  
Pietro: No. (No.)  
Todd: Perche? (Why?)  
Pietro: L'autrice non permette. (The author doesn't allow it.)  
Todd: Sei un ragazzo cattivo. Disobbedisci. (You're a bad boy. Disobey.)  
Pietro: Non voglio. (I don't want to.)  
Todd: Perche non studi un'altra lingua? (Why don't you study another language?)  
Pietro: Troppo facile. (Too easy.)  
*bamf*  
Kurt: Buno giorno, ragazzi! (Good morning, guys!)  
Todd: Tu parli italiano? (You speak Italian?)  
Kurt: Certamente. Anche russo, inglese, francese, polacco, e zingaro. (Of course. Also Russian, English, French, Polish, and Romany.)  
Todd: E tedesco. (And German.)  
Kurt: No. Non una parola. (No. Not a word.)  
Pietro: Che cosa fai alla casa mia? (What are you doing in my house?)  
Kurt: Non so. (I don't know.)  
Pietro: Lascila subito. (Leave now.)  
Kurt: Vado. (Going.)  
*bamf*  
Todd: Sveltino? (Quickie?)  
Pietro: Cosa, Viso-di-rana? (What, Frog-face?)  
Todd: Conosci questo racconto e interamente in italiano? (Do you know this story is entirely in Italian?)  
Pietro: Veramente? (Really?)  
Todd: Si. (Yes.)  
Pietro: Ma e impossibile. (But it's impossible.)  
Todd: Parla all'autrice. (Talk to the author.)  
Pietro: Penso che desidero di ucciderla. (I think I want to kill her.) 


	2. Lists

~Signs You Are Obsessed With XME~  
1. You've seen every episode, but the re-runs continue to fascinate you.  
2. When you're bored, you seek out a fanfic story to reread, even though you can quote large parts of it from memory.  
3. You practice until you can accurately recreate your favorite character's accent and speech patterns.  
4. Depending on who your favorite character is, you teach yourself German, French, Russian, Portuguese, or Gaelic.  
5. You learn to do the Vulcan-salute with both hands, and experiment with digigrade locomotion.  
6. You have dreams in which you are various characters.  
7. In your spare time, you psycho-analyze each character, deduce their motivations, and invent their back-story.  
8. You attempt to locate Nova Roma on a map.  
9. You have read the scientific explanation for your favorite character's power.  
10. You believe that your favorite character's power could actually work in the real world.  
11. You believe that you have your favorite character's power.  
12. You invent names for pairings, ie Rogue + Bobby = Bogey.  
13. You occasionally throw playing cards across the room to see if anything happens.  
14. You repeatedly attempt to get a friend to watch the show or read your fanfic.  
15. You have wild fantasies involving an SI relationship.  
  
~Reasons Why Kurt is a Good Boyfriend~  
1. He's especially good for reaching things in high cabinets.  
2. You don't have to worry about him getting close to other women.  
3. He watches sports on TV, but it's gymnastics, so that's okay.  
4. He can carry a lot of stuff for you.  
5. He never asks for directions, but unlike most other guys, he genuinely doesn't need them.  
6. You never need to buy a vibrating chair.  
7. Heating costs go down. (On the flip side, A/C costs go up.)  
8. He cooks. He sews. He cleans up after himself!  
9. He's useful when traveling.  
10. You know no one is sneaking up on you in the dark. 


	3. Murder in Bayville

There was a scream from the kitchen.  
  
Kitty ran in, looking for what might have caused this. She saw nothing unusual, except for Kurt, who was still within his standard boundaries of normal. "What happened?" she asked.  
  
"Evan...got murder," Kurt closed his eyes and leaned heavily on the counter.  
  
"Evan got *murdered*?"  
  
"Mmm."  
  
"Where?"  
  
Wordlessly, he pointed to the dining room.  
  
Kitty ran through the doorway and was met with a horrible sight.  
  
Evan was sitting at the table, but had fallen forward into an awkward slump. There was a pool of dark liquid around his head, slowly staining the tablecloth. Beside him, an unmarked paperboard container had been overturned. There was a dirty knife about a foot away from him.  
  
Kitty screamed.  
  
Instantly, Jean was in the doorway. "What happened?"  
  
"It's *murder*!" Kitty shrieked.  
  
"Yeah!" Jean beamed. "Isn't it great?"  
  
Kitty stared, open-mouthed.  
  
"Well, it was kind of a surprise," Jean said. "But you should try it."  
  
"You want me to try murder?"  
  
"Sure. It's good."  
  
"Whoa, Evan," Scott laughed as he came in. "Take it easy."  
  
"He's *dead*!" Kitty screamed.  
  
Scott gave her a funny look. "No he isn't."  
  
Kitty felt Evan's hand. It was cold. "He is!"  
  
"Eh, so he overdosed a little," Scott shrugged.  
  
"You poisoned him!" Kitty accused, pointing to the brown container.  
  
"Don't look at me!" Scott said. "He brought that home. I don't even know where he got it!"  
  
"I think he found it in New York City," Jean said.  
  
Kurt entered the room, righted the container, and began scooping its contents into a bowl.  
  
"Don't eat that!" Kitty warned. "It's poison!"  
  
"No, it's death by chocolate," Kurt said.  
  
"What?" Kitty blinked.  
  
"It's frozen yogurt," Kurt licked the serving spoon. "Flavor's called Murder."  
  
There was a scream from the dining room.  
  
*****  
  
A/N: Yes, there is a flavor of frozen yogurt called Murder. Yes, it is good; yes, it comes in an unmarked container; and no, I don't know where my cousin gets it. 


End file.
